Tag Archives: expanding the mind

Zigzagging into the Roaring 2020s

I photographed this image of myself last June.  It was the day before I suffered a pulmonary embolism. (a blockage in the lungs)  One out of three people dies from embolisms.  Mine peaked in a swollen leg.  I had walked five miles on that day and was feeling fine.  The next day my leg began to swell. 

I wound up in the hospital with a clot in my thigh and, because I had fainted at home, a CT scan revealed a piece of the clot had traveled into an artery in my lungs. 

The docs were miffed.  I was an active person. 

They monitored me and eventually took me off estrogen (hormones) – the power drug for women that helps with skin, joints and brain health.  I was on the medication for 22 years.  One risk was clotting.  The docs halted that medication and six weeks later, while my heart was healthy, my knee became stiff from an old injury and basically collapsed. Rehab began and remains a very slow process.

On that fateful walk, as I approached the word heal on the sidewalk before me, I placed myself into the image and photographed it.   Somewhat of a foreshadowing – being blood red and reflecting my shadow back to me.  I was feeling the impact of the image on my being.  I didn’t question.  I just kept moving.  My body took over from that point. 

I was soon forced to realize the impact of that message.  I made changes.  

I retired my 35-year-PR career and stepped fully into my true calling – my art/my photography.  

I am recalibrating.  I’m anchoring myself into a safe place where I go inward and feel the unsteady essence of who I am and what’s to come.  

Luminous Emptiness.  To quote the Buddhist view…” nothing is permanent or fixed.  The entire world of our experience is constantly appearing and disappearing at every moment.”

My dream, my life, is my work.  I move with mindful physical ease as I greet this new year with camera in hand, and begin to step further into a deeper work full of purpose and service.  I was given this gift of seeing beyond through a lens at age 13.  It’s been patiently waiting for me to fully embrace it.  Respectfully I do now, with gratitude and confidence and uncertainty and unknowing.   I am alone and I am in the community of a family of friends.  I walk ever so gracefully.   

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The Exploration of Everything

I am everything.  Before you behind you all around you and most important inside of you, I rest.
I am exploration.  I am your journey to places you have been and those you’ve yet to tap.
Don’t give up on me.  The blur is merely a veil.  You must look deep inside to all the parts calling you.
You will find the way.  You are meeting your light.  Look for me in those not obvious places.  Dive into
unknown parts you encounter.  Be uncomfortable.  Notice the detail. Continue to be discerning.
Be aware.  Always seek.  Hold strong as you cradle the gentleness.  Your calling is before you.
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Landscape of a summer beach

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I felt the air stream guiding over the exposed part of my tummy as I luxuriated on the sand.  80 plus degrees in San Francisco – a rare treat and it was edging up to Summer Solstice.  David was snoozing.  He was in recovery from life twists and turns and sleep soothed his restlessness.   Me, well I was in that space where stillness seemed to rock the outskirts and the insides of my being.

My breaths were deeper.  My actions had a new layer of kindness – for myself and others.

I closed my eyes.  Distant voices.  One man person pontificating to his somewhat inattentive family.

I was drifting.  The breeze woke me as the sun beamed on my bare belly.  Moments that one can find only on the beach.  There’s a joy smoldering in this landscape.  It’s pure.  I feel the oneness and the community of others in for simple frolic, bright sunlight and sand.  Kids seem to be at their best drooling in the sand with toys as tools guiding them to deeper depths.

yep, only at the beach.

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Blissful bumps along the way

My birthday weekend was colored with all sorts of twisty turns and yet there’s that certain bliss one carries throughout the day that can’t help but hold you in a state of grace.

I realized a while ago I had two birthdays – my birth date and my soul date. On my soul date, the day after my birthday, I knew what I had to do.  It had been way too long since my toes touched the edge of the sea and I had pointed my camera at constant wave action.

Long ago a tea leaf reader told me I needed to spend more time at the water to open up to the expansiveness within me.  I took her advice and found myself living in a cottage by the sea for almost 12 years.

Now I live close enough I can feel the ocean only a few miles away and I am reminded of that soothsayer’s comment as I make my way to experience that peace.

I learned this week the so-called confusions along the way help give me profound clarity and I realize I need all those bumpy parts to make my path poised to power-down the trail.  

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