Rain this morning. Delicious. Now the sun. It makes me glow. Heightened awareness. Okay so what’s that about….oh I just had an epiphany yesterday and suddenly — profoundly –realized in a somewhat much clearer way than ever before….that all I need to do is show up for me. No matter how desolate things can be, no matter how tremendous the challenges of every day health, work stuff, relationship fluctuations, etc etc etc — My real work is simply me. And once I put that front and center I truly believe I can do, achieve, create whatever I intend. It’s freeing to live in accord with my own true self. This is where I begin front and center and this is where I may serve through my art. May I open my heart wide to those closest and those on the street — to begin again and again.
Tag Archives: introspection
The mighty sea always reminds me of beauty and turmoil in my life. Life’s been bumpy what can I say; however, it’s surrounded by puffs of grace and so much gratitude.
I pulled this photo out this morning and my heart skipped a beat. I suppose it always does when I am able to view this kind of image through my camera lens. It reminds me of the layers of my own life and the need for pauses. Our self-care is ramped up here in our household to balance out the complexities of everyday life.
What is it about extremes I go to when I slip down the rabbit hole and do the internal scream….”Hold on”…or as Mary Oliver so beautifully articulates….”Mend my life.” Yeah…that pretty much says it all. The best part is knowing that the bandaids are close by and at any time I can access my internal garden I’ve tended too so much in the past.
As I edge toward summer I wave goodbye to the windy days of spring and the somewhat unsettling times it has brought me. I’m an evolving modern elder moving into unknown chapters with glee, expectancy and always…the love of the sea.
For days now I am greeted in the early am with layers of fog. It sets my morning in a way that allows me to move in an unfettered way. There’s a freedom attached to the fog. It holds what it is to come and for the few morning hours before the sun moves in there is a beaconing – a calling – so to speak – step in and create.
I shot these magnificent trees on the coastline in Half Moon Bay — a friend had said the night before — “I hope you capture the fog – it is suppose to be really thick tomorrow.” Well with that challenge I set out in the early morn and my camera companion did the heavy lifting. My body moved to the grace of the elements and I found myself in sync with the dance of the atmosphere.
I felt the air stream guiding over the exposed part of my tummy as I luxuriated on the sand. 80 plus degrees in San Francisco – a rare treat and it was edging up to Summer Solstice. David was snoozing. He was in recovery from life twists and turns and sleep soothed his restlessness. Me, well I was in that space where stillness seemed to rock the outskirts and the insides of my being.
My breaths were deeper. My actions had a new layer of kindness – for myself and others.
I closed my eyes. Distant voices. One man person pontificating to his somewhat inattentive family.
I was drifting. The breeze woke me as the sun beamed on my bare belly. Moments that one can find only on the beach. There’s a joy smoldering in this landscape. It’s pure. I feel the oneness and the community of others in for simple frolic, bright sunlight and sand. Kids seem to be at their best drooling in the sand with toys as tools guiding them to deeper depths.
yep, only at the beach.
There’s something about freshly washed laundry to spark a memory.
As I was hanging up my wet clothes to dry in the fresh air I remembered being with Mom on one visit where we exchanged favorite items we once valued with each other.
She gifted me a scarf from her treasure trove and I passed on a used makeup bag no longer wanted. What amazed me about her actions was that she truly coveted this old makeup bag and spent the next hour or so soaking it, rubbing it, and hanging it out to dry to be made new, so to speak.
I thought of that memory this morning as I was hanging up a blouse and my emotion caught the best of me. I sunk into that moment just being together – sharing tips from each other and honoring the exchange of our simple stuff. I love her so just for being a girl with me –
I’ve shot many photographs of clotheslines and fresh laundry. This is one of my earliest – fresh cotton diapers blowin in the wind. I’ve folded my share of those in another lifetime.
It’s the purity, the profound whiteness, the freshness of something renewed that triggers my attachment.
Spring is here. Time to renew and begin again and again.
As the temps slide down I find myself squirming to locate my nestling spot. There’s so much to do and be done and it’s the holidays and this and that and and…wait stop. Take a breath. Been quite the busy year. And goodness me, I crossed over to a new chapter…marriage. My love, my anchor, now borders me in ways beyond comprehension and I find myself smiling inside and out. And, more importantly, the desire to go deeper…in my work, relationships, service, and at the top of the list, my ART.
Daily I point my camera/ phone at even the simplest of subjects. I allow the motion to keep pushing me forward and hold the vision a new body of work emerges. I know I am a vessel and my daily practice is to allow the expansion in its own time. And in the interim I just keep toe-stepping to the dance.
The rooftop gremlins woke us up around 3:40am. I was in the middle of a dream – appropriate for the disruption.
My love insisted on going up on the roof to survey the situation, returning to say a new neighbor had been locked out and climbed up the fire escape to eventually make her way and her rather inebriated friend’s way to her apartment window.
They took a detour however, and danced above our heads with only the rooftop and what seemed to be a thin layer of plaster separating us. It was a riveting uncomfortable feeling of invasion.
I thought about how close the edge shows up forcing me to border my life with shoulds and rules. Not so with my art. My camera steers in the direction of the usual, the off- beat. I am led down a path with only my tool and gut to guide me. Complete trust.
I would like to think that at this stage I am the creator of my own sovereignty.
I can remember sleeping on the rooftop of the Journalism building in college with buddies huddling together to stay warm delighting in our daring attempt to step out of the boundary. It was a sense of freedom and freeze, upon waking up the next frosty morning.
The roof gremlins eventually disappeared. I sunk back into my dream only to be faced with a new set of symbols to discern upon my awakening. But hey, it was Saturday and I was in the safety of the uncharted morning to do as I pleased.
Is it still January? For years I’ve wanted to steal away for the month and return in February. January brings out all the residual gunk you thought you let go of the previous year.
I powered through the holidays and dove into the New Year and then it kinda took me for several loops and mercury in retrograde reminded me (again) to completely surrender. My yoga teacher posed a radical thought at the start of class: “give up your relationship to yourself.”
At the time I didn’t want to analyze this intriguing statement…my body needed to just move into the free flow of shifting my brain chemistry. Not surprisingly, at the end of class I got it. Another jarring reminder. My path is jagged, curvy, strangely creative, loving, frustrating, weird, all of the above and more. My relationship to myself is solidly accepting just that. I get that I need all the gyrations. It makes me real and unique to what I bring to myself and others. And, like the path photographed above, there’s always some sparkle.